A friend recently told me that she enjoyed helping her friend move house much more than she’d enjoyed moving house herself. It brought to mind something my grandmother would often say. My grandmother is 93, but our grandparents are always old to us so it feels like she’s been that age forever. Since I can remember, every time she has come to my house she has, almost on instinct, gone straight to the sink to do our dishes. She would also remark, as is customary at this point, “isn’t it funny how we enjoy doing other people’s dishes but not our own”. I’ve never done someone else’s dishes, but if I did I’m sure I’d like it more than doing my own dishes… which I’ve also never done, but the point remains.
Nathan, you've never experienced the joy of washing your grandmother's dishes? As someone who frequently jumps in to do dishes for other people... I recommend it! (But then again, I also love doing my own dishes.)
I think with one's own chores, there's often a lack of urgency and thus a greater tendency to put things off. When it comes to helping others, even if we genuinely care about the other party, I think there's also - at least subconsciously - a self-interested, less altruistic component. Maybe not in the sense of expecting the other person to do dishes in return; more so because it feels like the right thing to do in that moment, and we want to feel like we're helpful people. I imagine that after doing the dishes for someone else (whom we don't completely despise), most people feel at least a bit happier inside. Once we've committed to helping someone else out, and especially if it's done of our own volition, yes, it feels less like a chore.
Respond to thought experiment - When most of us first embark on a new career or job, or buy a new car, after sometime... it is going to feel different. Would that be the same as "doing the same someone else's chore on a regular basis"?
I am very tempted to ask Givers, "what is it in you that you wanted to fulfill or connect with when you do what you do."
I am quite afraid to ask.
Your grandmother is so sweet. Is that the same grandmother you mentioned in one of the ISFJ video? That video made me giggle ...
When I was still in school i was able to negotiate that we only get homework on the weekends. But because school kinda bored me and i had to spend a BIG majority of my days there, beeing in a school program where we had school longer then others, I just never felt like doing my homework at any time (except english so others could copy - team work makes the dream work ;) )
On my weekends I was with my friend a lot. She had a mini job caring out commercial papers once a week. I was always pretty active and I just started helping her with it. Then I got so use to it that I did most of them in a short time so we could go back to hanging out :) Over time she kinda started doing my homework for me, just because she was such a sweetheart and knew I wouldn't wich then would count as a bad grade for me.
In that case of doing the chore of the other always stayed rewarding and it felt awesome that my friend would help me out like that with no real reason since I wanted to help her out with the papers regardless of getting enything back.
But then again we did the chore the other hated that we didn't mind ourselves, so I don't know if it counts X)
Also when I notice im beeing very hard on myself, I try to view myself as I would a friend I'd want to help. Its how I find advice and constructive feedback from a loving place within.
So what you said about treating yourself like you would others in order to get things done for yourself sounds amazing! I've never thought to go about it like that in those kinds of matters as well.
Thanks for the thoughts :D
Have a nice weekend :)
Edit: spelling, typing and grammar errors... guess I should've done some homework after all ;P
Nathan, you've never experienced the joy of washing your grandmother's dishes? As someone who frequently jumps in to do dishes for other people... I recommend it! (But then again, I also love doing my own dishes.)
I think with one's own chores, there's often a lack of urgency and thus a greater tendency to put things off. When it comes to helping others, even if we genuinely care about the other party, I think there's also - at least subconsciously - a self-interested, less altruistic component. Maybe not in the sense of expecting the other person to do dishes in return; more so because it feels like the right thing to do in that moment, and we want to feel like we're helpful people. I imagine that after doing the dishes for someone else (whom we don't completely despise), most people feel at least a bit happier inside. Once we've committed to helping someone else out, and especially if it's done of our own volition, yes, it feels less like a chore.
Respond to thought experiment - When most of us first embark on a new career or job, or buy a new car, after sometime... it is going to feel different. Would that be the same as "doing the same someone else's chore on a regular basis"?
I am very tempted to ask Givers, "what is it in you that you wanted to fulfill or connect with when you do what you do."
I am quite afraid to ask.
Your grandmother is so sweet. Is that the same grandmother you mentioned in one of the ISFJ video? That video made me giggle ...
When I was still in school i was able to negotiate that we only get homework on the weekends. But because school kinda bored me and i had to spend a BIG majority of my days there, beeing in a school program where we had school longer then others, I just never felt like doing my homework at any time (except english so others could copy - team work makes the dream work ;) )
On my weekends I was with my friend a lot. She had a mini job caring out commercial papers once a week. I was always pretty active and I just started helping her with it. Then I got so use to it that I did most of them in a short time so we could go back to hanging out :) Over time she kinda started doing my homework for me, just because she was such a sweetheart and knew I wouldn't wich then would count as a bad grade for me.
In that case of doing the chore of the other always stayed rewarding and it felt awesome that my friend would help me out like that with no real reason since I wanted to help her out with the papers regardless of getting enything back.
But then again we did the chore the other hated that we didn't mind ourselves, so I don't know if it counts X)
Also when I notice im beeing very hard on myself, I try to view myself as I would a friend I'd want to help. Its how I find advice and constructive feedback from a loving place within.
So what you said about treating yourself like you would others in order to get things done for yourself sounds amazing! I've never thought to go about it like that in those kinds of matters as well.
Thanks for the thoughts :D
Have a nice weekend :)
Edit: spelling, typing and grammar errors... guess I should've done some homework after all ;P