To be morally ambiguous is… normal. We all have our shaded contours. When a choice is stark in its moral consequences though, it’s often easy to make. Perhaps 10% of our minds, or hearts, or other organs, feel a pull towards darker impulses, but it’s not enough to dictate the course of our lives. The 90% will win, naturally. What then, of people who have faded beyond the midpoint?
Some people are not primarily evil but barely evil. In the consequences of their actions there is no difference between the two. But, in their motives and the empathy they elicit from us, these people appear brutally human. There is something reassuring about this in a twisted sort of way. These characters, or real life people, allow us to see the thread of humanity that can bind together even unforgivable actions. A heart in conflict with itself has a unique bittersweetness, an undeniable relatability.
The character of Walter White from Breaking Bad comes to mind as an example. He loves his family, deeply. Being a good husband and a kind father matter to him. It’s just that being a criminal matters more. When it comes down to it he feels more powerful, more fulfilled, more alive as his alter ego of Heisenberg. But, what makes him interesting is the conflict within him. Each time he has to choose between the two sides of himself, his two competing lives, he chooses the darker path. But he is, at least at first, only slightly over that line. As a viewer you see him fluctuate violently between those extremes. He’s a 49% good person, loving husband, caring father, dutiful citizen. He is so close to being someone we can justifiably root for. In the end though, that 1% is all it takes to sway him. From that point he descends ever further.
For the outcomes of binary choices between good and evil, being 51% bad is no different than being 100% bad. But, it’s more human.
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Seeing the world as it is, I'm beginning to perceive it as more and more neutral; everything depends on perspective.. And it's quite liberating to stop suffering for "bad" things that happen in the world, where there's no control over them, and focus on personal happiness. Walter White had one of the most interesting character developments (or regressions) I've ever seen. At the beginning, he seemed dutiful but still rageful; only that rage was turned on himself. And seeing how his family treated him made me not feel sorry for them one bit. I wonder if that push toward 51% bad isn't actually the work of the environment a person is in, and then it's a downward spiral. Similarly, like in Better Call Saul.. they had ideals, but they were broken. If I see an obvious act of kindness, it's still good when it's helpful to others, but I won't think that person is necessarily "good." But accidentally witnessing an act of kindness for the sake of it that was not meant to be seen is something incredibly beautiful. For me, it was actually Jesse who was most fascinating in that show and, at the same time, Walter's biggest sin. He could choose someone else, but he liked him and was willing to ruin his life for it. The end was the emotional redemption of the amount of darkness that happened.. Despite what Jesse went through, he remained innocent, and despite how badly Walter turned, he still remained human, trying to redeem what he had done to him.
Now that there's a conspiracy in the air there's no jokes. How many conspiracies do you know that people don't care about at all that effect people's lives way graver.