The War on Messiness
To know is to feel safe. In moments of uncertainty we are vulnerable and often cling to the first promise of sure footing. It is on this need that we hang many ill-fitting hats.
When an answerless void is before us we project our fears into it. What festers in those poorly lit places can deform our better judgement.
Sometimes we're misshapen by the comfort of cold truths. We tell ourselves that "this is true" and it is better to know truth than to turn our eyes away from reality. But, to say you don't know when you don't know is far harder — and far more true. Other times, it's elegance that breaks us, an easy narrative to tie together the complexity of events, so snug in its simplicity.
Life will not contort itself to meet our need for clarity and closure. It is ok to sit safe in the messiness of life, unswayed by the need to always know.
As an INTJ I feel this deeply. Ever since I was a little girl I craved certainty and would become tearful at the slightest hint of my world falling apart.
The pandemic forced me to grow up and be comfortable with fluidity and ambiguity. I can only rely on myself, I cannot control the (uncontrollable) emotional volatility of others.
It is a messy place as you so beautifully and poetically describe. Sometimes I pull the trigger and block people first before they have the chance to hurt me all over again. I tell myself 'I am safe' when there is no one around to steal my joy. But it also means remaining by myself in the moments I should be celebrating with others and it feels a bit...lonely 🫠.
It's a strange void at the moment which I am learning to navigate.
The truth however nuanced can be ascertained by a beautifully complex mind. The problem is peoples ignorance to the truth; many do not want to face cold harsh realities. Meanwhile the complex mind embraces it. Clarity & closure aren't the issue indeed who substantiates what is clarity & what is closure? I know the person never had clarity of mind to begin with; they were actually a lot easier to understand than I anticipated. As a psychologist I have to say, I was surprisingly bored in the end and that was how closure revealed itself. Meanwhile my Ne loves a meandering as I know this person is affected deeply by anything I do, say. Enamoured to the point of lunacy; it's such a messy affair for them. Blind Ne however can assume it's the same for everyone, yet my Ne-Fe is by far from blind.