Should we start gently nudging seagulls and pigeons?
This, to my mind, is one of the pressing philosophical questions of our time. So as to avoid leaving anyone behind on this topic, I’ll bring this news to your attention: seagulls and pigeons aren’t fucking around anymore. If you’ve ever had a meal outdoors in the UK you’d be well aware of this looming, lurking threat. At this point they have it down to an expertly co-ordinated chip-snatching ballet. In a recent moment of peak Britishness as a seagull dived down to steal my chicken bake pasty right out of its bag (whilst I was eating it!), something dawned on me: it’s all our fault.
Birds in cities and seaside towns used to fly away at any hint of being approached by us, now they’re emboldened by impunity. Evolutionary selection pressures drive behaviour. It’s a simple process; if a behaviour makes you more reproductively successful, those genes get passed on in greater quantity. In subsequent generations, those behaviours then become widespread and commonplace. At some point down the line some bold birds ventured close to us and found out that we’d do… absolutely nothing about it. Now we’re infested with birds who are shameless and fearless in equal measure. These days when you walk down a city street and seagulls (or more likely pigeons) block your way, it’s you who needs to move out of the way, or wait for them to slowly saunter by.
Recently, at the very height of a record breaking summer (which lasted about a week) in the UK, a local public swimming pool was closed because two seagull parents saw fit to make their nest in the rotating water bucket feature. Seasonal swimming was cancelled. They couldn’t be moved because they’re classified as a protected species, so they remained entrenched there defiantly like summer Grinches. Incidentally, a few weeks after that point, seagulls made their home on… well… my home, specifically on the chimney. We had a baby gull in our garden for weeks after it fell off the roof. We didn’t quite rise to the level of naming it, but we did feed it and place it back on the roof.
I propose that we get into the habit of gently nudging seagulls and pigeons out of the way to reverse this Hitchcockian nightmare. Maybe lunging at them more vigorously would work too: I’m open to suggestions.
Hi mr Nathan :)
Let me start of by confessing that I my self am one of the people who brings this onto humanity by beeing a bird feeder. Not with some borning birdhouse seeing that my cat and dogs would see this as free entertainment and buffet. I walk around town (if I happen to be there) sharing my meal with them. Its not so bad here with the birds because its restricted by law in many places to feed them, I still do anyway - Marry Poppins B)
I was in London once and was super happy and suprised when a gull sat on my hand and ate my hotdog though untill moments ago I wasn't aware of the Hitchcockarian nightmare younare having in Great Britain.
Maybe if people where kind about it, about showing them away, or as you said nudging them aside, I think that would help alot :)
Im just a little conflicted due to seeing so many people trying to kick pigeons forcefully and even going littoraly out of their way to do so. I hope people remember that the birds are just doing what they know and can to survive so that they go gentle about it. A lot of people jump from one extreme to another and forget the inbetween.
I guess all im saying is i think you're right and that it would help the way you suggested - Mahatma Gandhi style :D and if not, tackling them should do the trick XD
My first thought though was how we could use this to create a bond simular to our relationship with dogs :D the possibilities are super exciting and fun :D like baskets that fly not with a hot air balloon but birds or for search rescues at coasts :)
Edit: some embarrassing gramatical and spelling errors
Yours truely ;P
I can't believe you didn't give the baby gull a name! That said, birds are filthy. I would never think about nudging one. In all seriousness though, thanks for the thoughtful post. I really enjoy reading these musings when I need a brain break from work.