A Price Paid on Every Path
“But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize, their heart's desire, their dream... But the price of getting what you want, is getting what you once wanted.”
― Neil Gaiman
There is a certain kind of regret that unravels itself in people’s more wistful moments. It’s when people say they wish they’d done something, such as leaving a job or a relationship sooner, caring less about what other people thought of them or that they’d taken more chances in life. That sort of thing.
The problem is you don’t know how those things would have turned out. You’re just guessing. Those choices or ways of being might have felt a lot worse than the choices you did make. Regrets about things you did, yes, that makes sense to me. But regretting things that you’ve never experienced is presumptuous. It’s the romanticised road not taken. It is easy to lose yourself on such distant dreams. There’s what you’re doing and what you’ve done. That’s it. Thoughts spent on anything else are wasted.
A friend of mine who’d crossed the border into thirtyville before me, once, in a cautionary voice, explained the “aches and pains” to be expected when I too join him in that seasoned realm (of which I am now a member). Waking in such a way has been a common thing for me for a long time for reasons I won’t go into here.
His impromptu warning put in focus a theme you’ll see recur in nearly everyone’s mindset if you listen to them long enough — struggle is the only guarantee. You may never feel many of the transcendent emotions that life affords but difficulty and suffering you can rely on. They are the coldest comforts.
Next time you’re feeling down, remember this: you’ve already done things you said would make you happy. You said that making more money would make you happy. Or losing weight. Or moving out. Or making it official. Or letting go. Now what? Are you in a state of perpetual bliss? No, you’re not. You want more, or a new pain point has arisen; a new problem has slithered into your Eden. There is no promised problem-less land waiting for you.
If you’re a work-obsessed person, some relationships in your life will suffer. If you put everything into your relationships, you might put a ceiling on what you achieve in your career. Those things needn’t come at that specific price, but there will be some kind of price. There is no use — and, I might say, very little grace — in lamenting that.
You’ve picked this path (if you haven’t, that’s another issue entirely). It’s the pain you’ve chosen. That pain is as much yours as the victory, joy or adventure that comes with it. When you reach the tollbooth, take a minute. Look at the bridge ahead of you, then at yourself, honestly. Be sure you want it. Pay the toll. Move forward.
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